I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
