did you get engaged???
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
