I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
