Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
