I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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