4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
