i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
