i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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