Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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