You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
