Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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