I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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