I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
