Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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