awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
