do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
