There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
