Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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