so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
