I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
