I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
