The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
