I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
But break dance skills will only take you so far
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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