we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
