He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Enjoy the penises
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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