Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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