Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
