do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
