I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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