I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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