addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
