Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Randomize
