I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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