if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
