i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
