he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
