He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
