coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
