its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
