Nicole vs. Life
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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