i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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