even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
