hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
