Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
