I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You are a genius and a whore.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
