Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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