Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
wow bdsm is so cute
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
