he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
