Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
