1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
