I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
